a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
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