He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
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