As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
Randomize
