the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
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