i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
is it normal that we went to that class once and both got 100's on the final? ohhhh, arizona state.
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
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