i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
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