Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
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