Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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