I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
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