I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
Randomize
