dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
Randomize
