You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
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