You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
