You work out of a Hotel?
How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
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