i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
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