Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize
