I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
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