I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
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