May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Randomize
