U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
Randomize
