I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
I queefed so loud it echoed.
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
