Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
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