If you die in college, do you die in real life?
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
Randomize
