I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize
