Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
Randomize
