you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
Randomize
