i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
Is Jonathan Taylor Thomas a gay? I need you to google search it for me. Its important
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
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