If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Randomize
