??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
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