Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
Those balls look pretty dangerous.
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
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