Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Randomize
