They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
