Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
Randomize
