i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
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