i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
I see more hoeing in ur future
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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