apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
Randomize
