never play flip cup with pint glasses
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Randomize
