i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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