so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
Randomize