We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
Randomize
