i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
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