at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
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