grandma shit on top of the toilet
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
Randomize
