Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
Randomize
