You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
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