i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
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