i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize
