just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
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