Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
Randomize
