Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
Randomize
