Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
Randomize
