fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
