You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
I feel like abortions should bother me more
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
P.S. I can't hear my feet
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
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