like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
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