its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
Randomize
