I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
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