just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Randomize
