trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
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