Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
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