You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
How does it feel to date your dad?
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
how does that bad decision feel?
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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