you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
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