I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
Randomize
