Define "chronic" masturbator.
so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
Randomize
